Do you have a competitive colleague?   Someone who competes with you to the point of making you question your sanity and affecting your focus at work?  While this situation can be incredibly annoying and exhausting, there are several ways in which you can use it to your advantage.

My initial advice for dealing with competitive, egotistical colleagues is to be aware of who they are and avoid unnecessary discussions with them if possible.  They are likely not your friends and are just looking for tidbits of info they can utilize to advance themselves.  But on the plus side, sometimes those competitive people can give us an edge by pushing us to be and do our best.

While it can be easy to fall into the flow of competing and focusing on outsmarting / outworking that colleague and “bringing ’em down!” right back, bring your focus back to yourself and:

1. Don’t compare yourself to others.

   Put on blinders to what other people are doing and focus on doing your best.  Chances are, your best is much different from their best and your best may be much better (especially if the task aligns with your passions).    Everyone is on her/his own journey, following a unique path tailored to showcasing their authentic talents and personality traits.  It is unrealistic to expect outcomes/opportunities to be the same for both of you when you each have different experiences, perceptions, personalities and passions.   Don’t sell yourself short by trying to match someone else or hold yourself to someone else’s standards.  It is who you are (values, personality, character, energy) that attracts others to you. Ultimately, all we each have to offer is our authenticity.

2. Do your best, all the time.

   Go the extra mile without any expectations for recognition or attention from others.  Exceed your own expectations out of respect for yourself. If management sees promise in you, they will not want to lose you or let you down.  So stay focused on being your best self. 

3. Know your motives.

   Know what your intentions are for every task you take on and make sure your motivations are aligned with your personal/professional goals.   It is important to know what your motives are and why you are working toward that goal or what you hope to gain from working on that project because in those moments when you want to surrender or give up, when everything is hard and the world feels like it is crashing down – that is when your motives will make or break you.

4. Focus your efforts on achieving your goals.

   Take a step back from being consumed by wanting your colleague to fall flat on his face and focus on your own success journey.  What are your career goals? If your reason for wanting something is because someone else has it – it is not aligned with your passions and will not be fulfilling, even if you do earn it (that goes for the other guy as well).   When all is said and done, you live with yourself day in and day out, so be aligned with what you truly want and always be your best self and you will have no regrets. Focus your energy on what you want.

5. Unconditionally support yourself.

   How would you treat or talk to your best friend who was in a similar situation?  Would you build her up and tell her how amazing she is?  Do that for yourself and be your own best friend.  Because ultimately you are the only one who will unconditionally support you throughout your life.

6. Work smarter, not harder.

   It can be challenging to always give 110%, but knowing that someone is lurking just behind you, can really be a motivation to achieve more and maximize your potential.  Now, along with this can come burnout, so it is important to keep your priorities straight.  If the other person comes in early and leaves late, and you have children to get to school and help with homework (and he does not or does not care), focus on the high visibility, high impact projects you are passionate about.  It is easy to say yes to every opportunity, but you may need to work smarter than the other person because you want to have a life you are proud of when it comes time to retire or when your kids are grown up.

7. Get rid of expectations.

   You can’t control other people and you never will truly know how something will work or why.   So just do your best and believe that all will turn out in the best possible way for you.  Take a look at the big picture and realize that this situation, even this job, will eventually come to an end.  As long as you stay true to yourself and do your best, you can trust that everything will fall into place for the better.

8. Keep most things to yourself.

   If you are working on some neat projects minimize any discussion of them with competitive colleagues.  It is better for you to focus on your interests without having others putting their noses in your business or, worse yet, trying to take credit for an idea you told them in confidence.  (There is no pretty way out of that type of situation.)  Avoid unnecessary banter.

9. Know your limits and have a plan for when you reach them.

   Did that guy undermine/disrespect you and step on your toes AGAIN?!  Why you oughtta throw down right there and call him out.  But before you do embark on a journey of revenge or cutting him down right back, have a plan for these types of moments where you feel you might jump off the deep end and say or do something you might later regret.  Whether it is to put on some headphones and listen to your favorite playlist, go to the restroom and just sit for as long as it takes to calm down, go to the gym, out for a walk, call your friend, something – anything.  The goal here is to keep your job and let karma do the work – because karma will come through in one way or another.  Don’t let it come for you!

10. Stay on his/her good side.

    “Frenemy” totally applies here.  According to the Google dictionary, a frenemy is “a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry”. Keep these frenemies in your line of sight, but not to the point where you are fixated on them.  Ultimately everyone is on a different path in life so to think that you need to fight it out for a certain promotion/position is unrealistic – keep an open mind and remember that.  Your career field may also be smaller than you think, so put in the effort and don’t burn bridges.

11. Is it possible to be a team?

    Obviously if there is an opportunity to synergize, this would be excellent because the unfortunate part of a work relationship between highly competitive over achievers is that there is a general lack of trust.  When over-achievers team up and trust one-another, their accomplishments can far exceed what either one could accomplish individually.

12. Learn something and improve yourself.

    Remember, this too shall pass!  One thing is constant, and it is change: change in jobs, change in colleagues, changes in management Think about what you can learn from this situation and this person.  Stressful situations are put in our lives for us to learn from.   Who knows, maybe the situation was put there to push you to reach out to a mentor for guidance on this situation and, in the future, to provide advice to someone who is in the midst of a similar situation.