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Recognizing and Ending Toxic Work Relationships for Personal and Professional Growth

The Keeper of the CheeseLeave a comment

How do you know if a relationship is toxic?  That’s easy (read on).  It’s the admitting it to yourself and doing something about it that is the challenge.  We have all been in relationships, whether with a friend or colleague, that just starts to feel like a drag.  Where you walk away from conversations and wish you never had them, or you just don’t feel like yourself with them.  Those are signs it is time to move on and leave that relationship behind.  It’s not wrong, it’s not selfish, it’s natural.

IT IS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU

There’s this ideal relationship sold to us by the media, where friendships last forever and lessons and life just fit into them.  Honestly, people grow out of one another.  We grow out of jobs, hobbies, boyfriends/girlfriends, styles, etc., so it is only natural that we grow out of relationships whether it’s with a friend, relative or colleague.  So, if a relationship with a colleague is uncomfortable or downright toxic, how can someone step away from it?  Is there a way to go from talking every day to just being present in the same environment and not having to engage?

When it comes to stepping back from a relationship with a colleague, it can strain whatever relationship was there and make it even more awkward.  Not to mention you then may have to see that person every day for the rest of the time you are at that company and even beyond if you are in the same field.   Sometimes it seems that professional relationships are better off being just that, professional and cordial without getting to know one another too well in the first place.

But what good would a work environment be if we didn’t all try to get to know each other?   To think that professional relationships should lack “personal” or emotion is unrealistic and impossible for a healthy-minded individual.  Relationships are a mix of many things, because we are a mix of everything including emotions, desires, successes and failures.  The interactions that truly shine forth in life are those where individuals are open, honest, vulnerable at times and strong at times.  Healthy relationships tend to also feel supportive.  For example, where someone cheers you on or supports you in something they have no interest in themselves.

So, why take a step away from a colleague?  Perhaps it’s because a person disrespects you, or maybe you don’t feel you can be yourself with them.  Maybe they are a gossip and you have learned to keep your distance.  Whatever the reason may be, sometimes it is necessary to end a work relationship or at least bring it down to the “acquaintance” level.  It is not only necessary, but also important to ensure the relationships that we are in foster our futures, make us want to be better people, inspire us and teach us.  We are all each others teachers.  Think about it.  Our relationships shape us.  If they are cold, they teach us to be cold.  If they are healthy and exciting, we are healthy and exciting.  The phrase, “Surround yourself with the people you want to be like” speaks life into… life!  Do you want to be successful at work?  Hang out with folks that you see as successful – no doubt you will learn from them, what their motivations are, where their passions lie, what their habits are.  If you hang out with them, you are inherently going to be engaged in the habits of successful people.

Some people hang out with certain groups because they think they have to or to preserve or portray an image to others.  Maybe it’s comfortable and finding a new friend or person to spend time with is scary and makes you feel like a loser for a little while.  But is it worth spending moments of your life being around people you are not passionate about spending life with?  Doing things your heart is not truly in?  Saying things you feel are a waste of breath?  It’s a waste of time.

Every moment spent with people you don’t care to be around is a moment you could be spending with people who inspire you, people who make you want to do more and be more, people who you really jive with on a deep personal level. Maybe you know them now, maybe you don’t. They are out there.  Spend your time being genuine and you will find them.

If you are spending time in dead-end relationships, or in certain relationship patterns – do yourself a favor and try something new.  Do something completely aligned with who you want to be.  Meet new people.  Growth happens when we are uncomfortable.  Think about it… we are most proud of ourselves when we do something we were afraid of or didn’t know we were capable of.

How I Weaned Off of Lexapro

The Keeper of the Cheese1 Comment

After dealing with some of the most challenging situations of my life and thinking I can handle the anxiety again, I decided to wean off of Lexapro (see this blog post).  I had also gained ~15 pounds and noticed my energy levels were lower and my motivation to exercise was significantly affected on this medication (less motivated).  Exercise has always been my stress relief, so the medication took its place a great deal, but that did not help my body image or fitness level.

I was already taking 5 mg/day for several months. I moved down to 5 mg/day every other day for a couple of weeks. Then I discontinued use. Here is how I felt and what I experienced upon discontinuing use.

I did experience side effects. The side effects were intense at first and then gradually faded away.  For the first couple of weeks, I debated going back on the medication so the withdrawal effects would subside – that is how severe they felt at times.  I questioned whether I made the right decision and wondered if I would ever be the same as I was before starting the medication, mainly from the standpoint of wanting to feel “normal” and recognize how my body was feeling.

Reducing from 5 mg/day to 5 mg every other day

  • Side effects: Increased anxiety and difficulty sleeping (mainly because I couldn’t quiet my mind).  I started meditating every night for ~10 minute or putting on a mediation / deep sleep music and this helped me fall asleep. 
  • Higher energy levels: I got back into the habit of exercising most days to expend the energy and also found that the exercise alleviated some of the anxiety that I was feeling.

Discontinuing use

  • About 3 months prior, I reduced the dose from 10 mg/day to 5 mg/day.
  • About 1 month prior, I reduced the dose from 5 mg/day to 5 mg every other day.
  • Day 0 was my last dose.
Day 1 – 2I felt ok, just a little more anxious than usual. I went for a daily walk to curb my anxiety.
Day 3 – 4I felt dizziness, like there were these waves of energy going through my brain body – I’m not sure if that is what folks are referring to as “shocks”, but it felt to me like waves…. To where I often needed to sit down. I also felt like I had more energy and got out for exercise more often during the next few months than I had previously.
Day 5 – 6Same as Days 3 – 4. I did not drive days 5 – 9 because these waves felt like they would affect my ability to concentrate / focus on driving. I was feeling anxious about whether the side effects would cease, and I would feel “normal” again.
Day 7 – 10The “waves” of dizziness and energy (maybe what folks describe as “shocks”, reduced over these days.
Day 11 – 14I started feeling more normal. The waves / shocks were reduced to ~2-3x per day.
Week 3The side effects were still recognizable, but I wasn’t as concerned and knew that I was through the worst of it. I noticed my motivation and interest in hobbies was coming back.
Week 4Same as week 3. I also felt like I was more so “out of the woods” and was more confident in my ability to not go back to the medication.
Month 22 months later I have no symptoms other than a panic attack or high level of anxiety in certain situations. I am exercising more, though, which feels like a constructive way to deal with such emotions, and I feel better about myself after a good workout. I don’t think I will go back on the medicine but know that it helped me when I needed it and am forever thankful for medicines like this that help people live their lives and be who they want to be without debilitating anxiety.
Month 3I definitely notice my anxiety again. However, I have stepped up my exercise routine and also faced some challenges head on rather than just letting them go and coping. This has not been easy, but I think it will be something I will need to do moving forward.

Since discontinuing use, I have increased my exercise and activity to help with my anxiety. I have also been working on establishing better boundaries (an area I know I need to work on). I think I got this from here on out, but definitely think about how much the medication helped me when I truly needed it.

Anxiety and How Lexapro Helped Me

The Keeper of the Cheese1 Comment

I was prescribed Lexapro for anxiety (panic attacks).  I have a high stress job and can get overwhelmed around people.  My panic attacks can be debilitating if triggered and tend to cluster.  The feeling of anxiety made it very difficult for me to focus and be my best and, while exercise had helped me earlier in life, I needed additional support. I asked my doctor if there was a medication that could help me with anxiety. She mentioned that Lexapro was a more neutral (not super uppity or down-y) and I decided to try it. I took the generic version, escitalopram. 

Here is what I experienced when I began using Lexapro and then ~3 years later when I stopped taking the drug.

  • About me: I am an active female ~135 lb and 5 ft 8 in.  I work full time and do yoga/walk/jog 3 or more times per week. 
  • My starting dose: 5 mg/day
  • Side effects:
    •  I had a hard time sleeping at first, but then my sleep actually got better than pre-drug.
    • I had some nausea, but it went away after the first few weeks.
    • I did feel better after a couple of days and even better after a couple of months.
  • What it helped with:
    • I was less easily irritated. Being easily irritated was something that really bothered… irritated 🙂 me. 
    • I didn’t have any more mood swings and my PMS symptoms were gone.
    • I was able to work through high stress situations with less of the super high highs and very low lows. The medication kept me more even keeled.
  • Titrating up to 10 mg: The doctor recommended I increase the dose since I was feeling so good with the 5 mg dose.  I did this for about a month but felt like it was almost too much.  I felt more dissociated, granted that makes it easier to function in highly stressful situations, but since I wasn’t feeling any anxiety, I also felt kind of bored, and struggled to motivate myself.  I did stick with the 10 mg/day for a month here and there when I knew it could be helpful, but for the most part, I went back to 5 mg as that was enough to take the edge off. 

Overall, Lexapro was a Godsend for me. It helped me to function better and to not sweat the small stuff. It definitely helped me to keep my cool in difficult situations and for that I am forever grateful.

After about 3 years on Lexapro, I decided to wean off of it. Here is what I experienced.

Universal Orlando: How to Hit the Rides RIGHT!

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Hooray!  You are going to Universal Studios!  Now to plan out your day!  If your time is limited, but you want to see it all, check out the tips below.

If you have early park admission:  When we were there in February, only Universal Studios opened one hour early at 8am while the normal park opening time of 9am held for Islands of Adventure.  The best way to hit the attractions is to arrive ~15-20 min prior to the early admission time and wait at the gate.

  1. Note that although the park opens early, not everything (rides, restaurants, areas of the park) may actually be open. When we were there, only the Minions ride, Simpsons rides and Diagon Alley were open for that extra morning hour prior.
  2. If the Harry Potter activities are your goal, once the gate opens walk directly to the back of the park where the entrance to Diagon Alley is.  Check out the Escape from Gringott’s ride once or twice (or more!) and then check out the shops (Olivander’s wand experience, etc.).
  3. Next (if you have a park to park pass) – Take the Hogwart’s Express to Islands of Adventure!  It should still be pretty early so you will get to Hogsmeade just as it opens and can ride the Escape from Gringott’s ride and check out the shops before it gets to crowded – because believe me, the Harry Potter attractions/areas get crazy crowded.
    • Come back at night to ride it again and check out the outdoor light show on the castle!  Crowds line up about an hour before it even starts.
  4. If you do not have the park to park pass or decide to stay in Universal Studios: Next, head to Simpson’s Land (Springfield, USA) and do the Simpson’s ride.  Then grab a big donut from Lard Lad’s for breakfast!  It’s big enough to split, but they also have a variety of regular size donuts to choose from.
  5. Check out Alien Attack! and then start heading back to the entrance (see #6 below) and hitting the other rides, next.  (Most people entering are now going to be heading to Diagon Alley.).
  6. There are daily parades – so check the times and try to hit one sometime during your stay.
  7. Or(if you have a park to park pass) – Take the Hogwart’s Express to Islands of Adventure!  It should still be pretty early so you will get to Hogsmeade just as it opens and can ride the Escape from Gringott’s ride and check out the shops before it gets to crowded – because believe me, the Harry Potter attractions/areas get crazy crowded.
  8. Next, start heading back to the entrance of Island’s for Adventure and hit the Jurrassic Park ride, King Kong, Spiderman, etc. and then come back around the park through Dr. Seuss’s Landing.  Check out Poseidon’s Revenge and the interactive fountain.
  9. Then head back to Universal Studios and head toward the entrance checking out the rides and sites either walking through Simpson’s area, Woody Woodpecker and Curious George areas to get back (if you have smaller kids) or through San Francisco to the Transformers ride, the Fast and the Furious, the Mummy (awesome ride), Minions (my favorite!), Transformers, Shrek and others.

If you do not have early park admission…

  1. … but you get there as soon as the park opens, do things in the order above.
  2. If you get there a little later (~11am), save the Harry Potter attractions for the evening (after 5pm) and check out all of the other rides and areas.  The Universal App gives an approximation of wait times, so you can deduce which rides are best to check out and when, as you go through the day.

Looking to hit the Water Park?

  1. There is direct transportation (bus) to/from the onsite hotels to Volcano Bay.  You can also catch a bus from the City Walk.  It is quite a walk from Universal Studios to where the Volcano Bay bus pick up is just past the City Walk.  All in all it takes about 30 – 40 minutes to get from the Universal Parks to Volcano Bay (including getting your Tapu).
  2. If the mornings are a bit too cool for you to want to go directly to the water park, or if it opens later (it opened at 10am while we were there), then you can go to the park for an hour or two and then hop on a bus at the City Walk and take it over to the water park.  Hit all of the water slides first, then grab lunch, check out the lazy river and the wild river and hang out around the pool.
  3. Super Tip:  Bring your own towels.  Volcano Bay charges $6 to rent a towel (normal hotel towel) and $25 to buy a towel.

How to Survive a Shizitty Manager

The Keeper of the CheeseLeave a comment

Does your boss leave alot to be desired?  Don’t let a bad manager steal your motivation to succeed.  It’s important to know when you should face challenges head-on so that you can learn from them and, conversely, when it’s time to move on.

The next time you feel on a the brink of a panic attack due to your manager’s ignorance, lack of emotional intelligence or support, Read More »