How do you know if a relationship is toxic?  That’s easy (read on).  It’s the admitting it to yourself and doing something about it that is the challenge.  We have all been in relationships, whether with a friend or colleague, that just starts to feel like a drag.  Where you walk away from conversations and wish you never had them, or you just don’t feel like yourself with them.  Those are signs it is time to move on and leave that relationship behind.  It’s not wrong, it’s not selfish, it’s natural.

IT IS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU

There’s this ideal relationship sold to us by the media, where friendships last forever and lessons and life just fit into them.  Honestly, people grow out of one another.  We grow out of jobs, hobbies, boyfriends/girlfriends, styles, etc., so it is only natural that we grow out of relationships whether it’s with a friend, relative or colleague.  So, if a relationship with a colleague is uncomfortable or downright toxic, how can someone step away from it?  Is there a way to go from talking every day to just being present in the same environment and not having to engage?

When it comes to stepping back from a relationship with a colleague, it can strain whatever relationship was there and make it even more awkward.  Not to mention you then may have to see that person every day for the rest of the time you are at that company and even beyond if you are in the same field.   Sometimes it seems that professional relationships are better off being just that, professional and cordial without getting to know one another too well in the first place.

But what good would a work environment be if we didn’t all try to get to know each other?   To think that professional relationships should lack “personal” or emotion is unrealistic and impossible for a healthy-minded individual.  Relationships are a mix of many things, because we are a mix of everything including emotions, desires, successes and failures.  The interactions that truly shine forth in life are those where individuals are open, honest, vulnerable at times and strong at times.  Healthy relationships tend to also feel supportive.  For example, where someone cheers you on or supports you in something they have no interest in themselves.

So, why take a step away from a colleague?  Perhaps it’s because a person disrespects you, or maybe you don’t feel you can be yourself with them.  Maybe they are a gossip and you have learned to keep your distance.  Whatever the reason may be, sometimes it is necessary to end a work relationship or at least bring it down to the “acquaintance” level.  It is not only necessary, but also important to ensure the relationships that we are in foster our futures, make us want to be better people, inspire us and teach us.  We are all each others teachers.  Think about it.  Our relationships shape us.  If they are cold, they teach us to be cold.  If they are healthy and exciting, we are healthy and exciting.  The phrase, “Surround yourself with the people you want to be like” speaks life into… life!  Do you want to be successful at work?  Hang out with folks that you see as successful – no doubt you will learn from them, what their motivations are, where their passions lie, what their habits are.  If you hang out with them, you are inherently going to be engaged in the habits of successful people.

Some people hang out with certain groups because they think they have to or to preserve or portray an image to others.  Maybe it’s comfortable and finding a new friend or person to spend time with is scary and makes you feel like a loser for a little while.  But is it worth spending moments of your life being around people you are not passionate about spending life with?  Doing things your heart is not truly in?  Saying things you feel are a waste of breath?  It’s a waste of time.

Every moment spent with people you don’t care to be around is a moment you could be spending with people who inspire you, people who make you want to do more and be more, people who you really jive with on a deep personal level. Maybe you know them now, maybe you don’t. They are out there.  Spend your time being genuine and you will find them.

If you are spending time in dead-end relationships, or in certain relationship patterns – do yourself a favor and try something new.  Do something completely aligned with who you want to be.  Meet new people.  Growth happens when we are uncomfortable.  Think about it… we are most proud of ourselves when we do something we were afraid of or didn’t know we were capable of.